How does HE love? Why men's hearts beat differently

For many women it is an absolute mystery: How do men love? Why do they seem to tick so differently when it comes to love? A couples counselor provides exciting answers.

For many women, it's an absolute mystery: How do men love? Why do they seem to tick so differently when it comes to love? A couples counselor provides exciting answers.

They feel constricted quickly, show feelings through actions rather than words: Our expert explains why men tick differently than women. The reason also lies in the traditional family structure.

Time and again, misunderstandings arise - even though the partner only meant well. That happens in the best relationships. But how do men love? BILD der FRAU talked to couples counselor Michael Mary ("Wie Frauen und Männer die Liebe erleben", Nordholt Verlag) about men's hearts, common misunderstandings and their causes.

How do men love? Actions count more than words

Is it also a proof of love when a man gives her a high-tech iron for her birthday?

This is such a typical love misunderstanding. Let's assume that the man didn't buy any gift lovelessly, but actually thought about it. He wanted to make her work easier and bought the best device and informed himself in detail. However, she doesn't want a practical gift, but a romantic one. Both are then disappointed afterwards. When it comes to such points of conflict, it is important to address feelings openly.

There are structural differences between women's and men's hearts So men really do love differently than women?

Yes, we have to generalize, but the differences are there. They go back to the family structure. The first woman a man loves is his mother. But she not only loved him, she also determined and controlled him.

What are the consequences of this?

Unconsciously, from now on, when he loves, he expects to be confined sooner or later. As soon as his wife asks, "How was the office today?" he thinks, "Oh, she wants to spy on me."

And it's not like that with women?

With them, it's the other way around. They have been shaped by the absent father, who has awakened in the little girl a longing for affirmation. For a woman, there is a connection between love and lack. As soon as a woman begins to love, she secretly fears being neglected.

So the male fear of closeness meets the female fear of neglect ....

She fights for attachment and he fights for freedom. The more she fights for closeness, the more he wants freedom and vice versa. When a woman is with a man, she quickly integrates him into her world of imagination. A man usually takes much more time than a woman before he says "I love you"....

Do you also hear "I love you" less often than you would like? A study has found out what the most beautiful proofs of love of the Germans are. Perhaps your partner is also more likely to rely on these acts.

... And she's unhappy because she thinks he doesn't love her.

This is a big misunderstanding: he often just needs more time. If women don't know this, they slowly detach themselves from their partner - while the man is at the same time tightening his ties. Then it is usually the man who is blindsided when the woman suddenly separates. She had the feeling that she is not the most important thing for him. But he loves her, she just misinterpreted his behavior.